Heaven

Big sister helping little sister with her suckie.

Little Evie...on the brink of a smile.

One sunny afternoon this past week Amelia and I snuggled together, as we often do, on my bed while little Evie took a nap in her bassinet. We talked and laughed about the day and other random things when Amelia picked up a framed photo of she and I off of my night stand. Though it was taken only 2 1/2 years ago, it seemed like such an old photo, me looking like a young(ish) new mother and Amelia with her big round eyes propped up on my lap... all of 9 months old. I asked her "who is that in that picture?" She replied, "You. And me. And Evie." I corrected her, "no, Evie wasn't there, that's just you and me." To which she quickly reminded herself, "Oh, cause Evie was with God." I smiled, "yes, she was, with God in Heaven." She turned to me with big inquisitive eyes...

A: "Mom, is Heaven a city?"

Me: Well, kind of, but it's not really a city you can visit.

A: Well where is it then?

Me: Well, it's not here on earth, but it is a big and very beautiful place.

A: If it's not on earth then how do we get our water?

Me: Oh, there's lots of fresh clean water there.

A: And JUICE, and MILK????

Me: Yes, and juice and milk.

A: And so there must be a grocery store there?

Me: Yes, not to worry, Heaven has absolutely everything we need and more.

She had slid off the bed and this point and was off to the next thing...but I wish the conversation would have lasted longer. I'm not sure why she needed to know about what type of refreshments are available in Heaven...but I just realized as I am typing this that in her 3.5 years of life we have not yet had that discussion about death and life in Heaven with God. We've only talked about babies being in Heaven with God until they are born. I am realizing that she wanted to be reassured that water, juice, milk and a place to shop for them would be available to us. It's as if her little soul already knows without really knowing that Lord willing, we'll being going back there one day, and we'll be having ourselves some milk, and juice.

Good news!

Evie partying at Noodles & Company.

Great news. Evie's ultrasound results came back completely normal! Thank goodness. :) We took the girls out for dinner and ice cream to celebrate. Evie's first restaurant outing! Since Evie only likes milk, Amelia got to pick the spot.

Also, her belly button finally fell off, which is quite exciting around here. Way back when, the NICU docs could not get a line in her little hand so they ran her IV line right into her belly button and used sutures to hold it in. The sutures remained after the line came out and so her belly button hung on for quite some time. Amelia is happy it finally fell off so her real belly button can now get totally wet in the bathtub. She loves to help give Evie her bath. Evie doesn't even mind it when Amelia accidentally wrings her washcloth out right over her face.

Things are feeling, dare I say, just a little normal around here. With each day, Evie changes and grows (she's over 11 lbs now) and peels. :) I looked back at this blog when Amelia was about to turn 2 months, right before her visit to the dermatologist at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. What I describe Amelia's skin to be doing at that time is exactly what Evie's skin is doing now. Amazing. And just look at Amelia today. We are on the right track and it feels good. Do I still worry? Yes. Am I still just flabbergasted and still a wee bit angry that this happened again? Yes. Do I still wonder WHY? Yup. But each day that passes brings a little more peace, more joy and more and more love for both of these beautiful girls. I didn't know my heart could hold so much.

When it rains it pours...

Off to school on Valentine's Day.

Evie getting ready for a doc appointment.

Amelia lined up her little princess figurines

in front of Evie and said to her:

"Well. These are the girls."

Guess it was time for her to meet them.

It's been a while since I posted. There are a few reasons for that. Appendicitis is one. Yup, almost 6 weeks after Evie's birth by c-section, I find myself in surgery again. Apparently, having a c-section and then a premie newborn in the NICU with a genetic condition was just not enough excitement! I'm told the appendix issue was completely unrelated to the pregnancy and/or the c-section. Just really bad timing and really bad luck. Lately, I keep hearing the phrase from various friends and family members..."when it rains it pours." Apparently.

It's been a week and a half since the appendix came out (worst pain of my life by the way...the appendix, not the surgery...although that was not fun either) and I'm feeling almost back to normal. A HUGE shout out to Hank and Claud for being here with us almost every minute and whenever we needed them...taking care of both girls' every need, cooking, cleaning, driving everyone around, picking up groceries, and playing, playing, playing and playing. We truly don't know what we would have done without them these past few months. I am truly blessed to have such loving and wonderful parents. I love you.

In other news, Evie is growing like a weed, she is now 11 lbs! We were finally getting the hang of breastfeeding almost exclusively and then the appendix surgery interrupted all of that. We are getting back on track but surgery has affected my milk supply. Bummer. Luckily she takes a bottle without a problem if we need her to. We took her yesterday for an ultrasound on her hips and head. The hip ultrasound was ordered because they check for hip dysplasia on all breech babies...just to be sure her hips are in the right place and growing normally. Evie was breech for quite a while. The head ultrasound is to check to be sure all of her cranial sutures are still open. Evie has a bit of an oblong head shape which could be due to her being in the breech position. This can also be a typical head shape for premies too, we're told. This will more than likely resolve itself in infancy but checking to be sure none of her sutures have fused prematurely just eliminates the need for worry. FYI, I, being a paranoid mother, brought this issue up the to doc who offered the head ultrasound. She is not too concerned at this point. We should hear back in a few days.

I am ready to be done with all of this craziness. These past few months have been a mixed bag of emotions and feelings...you name it, we've felt it...joy, worry, sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, thankfulness, confusion, exhaustion, delirium, and hopefulness. But this is life. This is our life. Even on the days that I feel I just can't take one more thing, and there have been quite a few of those days lately...I remember all that we have been blessed with, all that is good and right in our lives. One day at a time.

Our story has only begun.

Amelia Funny:

Amelia got a heart shaped Ring Pop sucker from her sister for Valentine's Day. She asked if she could eat it after lunch today. She excitedly opened it up and took a few licks...

Amelia: I don't like this.

Ford: Why?

With crinkled up nose Amelia said: It stinks.

Ford: It stinks? Like what?

Amelia (very seriously): It stinks like roastbeef.