The blog is changing. I just looked back at some earlier posts and realized I have become less insightful about parenthood and have focused more on reporting things that are new, funny and cute and, well, factual.
Does this mean I've become a seasoned parent? And that I am no longer as enthralled with the newness of parenthood and all its wonder? Absolutely not. Just the opposite in fact. But I do think I have become a bit more confused...
I have been thinking a lot about this phase in our lives, the toddler phase. I have been thinking about how quickly the baby phase went by and how from now on I will be spending the rest of my parenting career actually communicating, I mean really engaging in conversation, with this little person. She can talk back now. And talk back she does. With every day I wonder if I am responding the right way, teaching the right way, phrasing my comments correctly. If I'm being too lenient, too firm. If I am picking too many battles or letting too many things slide. Everyday is like a test that I didn't study for. I feel like I should have some notes to refer back to when a new situation arises. A study guide, a cheat sheet if you will. I mean sure, instinct seems to carry me pretty far, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I already had 3 or 4 toddler behavior books read and under my belt, and committed to memory. Don't get me wrong, Amelia is really truly a great kid. She's not even that challenging of a toddler. We deal with some whining and the occasional defiant "NO!" or "don't" or even when I lead her gently or pick her up and away from something of interest she pulls out the "don't pull me, Mom!" Oy.
Will she be fighting me from here on out? Calling me out when she feels wronged. Standing up for herself and putting into practice her words of power...like "NO," and "DON'T" and maybe eventually "I don't care what you think" or even an "I hate you?" Really? Does toddler hood really give us a glimpse into the teenage years? So I've read. (Okay, so I've started to read a toddler behavior book).
Okay, that was a bit of a tangent and maybe a bit dramatic...I mean I'm talking about a two year old, but stay with me here...
They push and test and try to pull away from us as they become more and more independent and more drawn to the world outside these safe and familiar parental walls. Yet we press on in faith (and I do pray a lot) that we are raising decent, respectful, confident and loving human beings as we continue to guide and teach and respond in the right way, at least we hope. All the while we achingly long to keep them close...and we secretly live for the moments when they succumb to needing us, wanting us and openly loving us more than anything. "Hold me, mom." "I snuggle you." "I want you."
I heard on NPR tonight while driving in the car, an author talk about the theory that she keeps in mind while writing her books. That God is depicted in the Bible as being like a parent who guides and teaches and remains very involved in the beginning but by the end of the story He has stepped back, has become more silent and ultimately lets his children live out their lives, with the hope that what He has taught them will resonate in their minds and hearts and continue to guide them, even when He is no longer talking.
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