Facing Out...

Once again, a blog about the Bjorn. It has occurred to me, especially in the last few weeks, that I have been facing Amelia out in her Bjorn carrier, more so than in. She has been facing in most of her life, snuggled up to my chest, arms tucked in, all protected and cozy as we bounce along going about the business of the day or as I take her on long walks around the neighborhood. And almost inevitably, she falls asleep this way, warm and secure and unphased by the world zooming around her.
But lately I've realized she'd probably like to turn around in that thing so she can see the world and explore it from the confines of her funny canvas contraption. So, she rides along facing out with arms flapping like crazy and legs dangling freely as she moves forward through space with my legs as her means of mobility. What a bizarre feeling that must be...to be just kind of hanging there as she "walks" along with her Mom (or her Dad) completely out of her sight. I suppose she is comforted by the sound of my voice and the movement of my breathing against her back, always knowing I am right behind her, supporting her, and carrying her with me where ever I go. And of course she loves it, happy as a clam as she absorbs, like the sponge she is, all the new sights and sounds before her. In fact, we were at the mall the other day standing in line waiting to exchange something when the woman in front of us turned around and started talking to Amelia. It seemed Amelia had been quietly playing with the pretty gold buckles on this lady's purse and of course the nice lady turned around to investigate...until then I hadn't a clue she was doing this and her intentional curiosity made me laugh. It was then that I got a small glimpse of the beginning of her independence from me and I think that's when this realization hit.

When I think about the small changes, even something as simple as turning her around in the Bjorn, I find them bittersweet...as excited and enthralled and amazed as I am with watching her change and grow, a huge part of me can't help but want her to stay small, always holding her close to my chest, and facing in.