Just a little bit...

 Three weeks of illness in our house.  First Amelia with a mild enough virus, she can take it like a big kid now.  But the little one, well, she caught the same virus but managed to turn hers into a nasty bout of croup and then a secondary infection.  Croup is no joke.  I feel for parents of children with asthma or allergies...not a good feeling watching your child struggle to get air.  Not a good feeling at all.  Lucky for us, modern medicine provided us with some oral steroids that opened up her airway and got things flowing pretty quickly.  Easy as that.  I might mention that steroids in a two year old are no joke either...major burst of energy and some serious crazy behavior.  So, that was fun.  Along with frequent trips to a steamy bathroom or trips outside wrapped up in winter garb and blankets to breathe in some cold night air...Oh hey, Ev!  Let's go outside at 1:32 am in the freezing cold Michigan winter while you're hacking your lungs up to see if we can't catch a glimpse of that moon tonight!  See it?  Behind all those wintry mix/snow clouds?  No?  Okay then.
She was confused, angry, cranky, tired and coughing, coughing, coughing.  And me?  Sleepless, for almost 3 weeks straight.  She is better now.  She still coughs, and wakes up, crying and upset.  But it's better.  Thankfully.
During waking hours we deal with another kind of sick...sick and tired of the fighting.  So. Much. Fighting.  Sisters fighting.  Little sister, tormenting Big Sister, mostly.  Oh, and Big Sister...so much drama.  In fact, the world just might come to an end because Little Sister pushed Big Sister (or scratched, hit, tried to bite, kicked...you name it).  Usually I don't blame her for the drama...because it is getting really old...but sometimes...really?  And the time-outs are NOT working.  And Little Sister has figured out that it is quite an attention getter...to get into trouble.  And she tells on herself, regularly.  And I often hear the Big Sister telling her to go tell on herself.  And the minute her dad steps foot in the door each evening, she confesses everything.  Just puts it all out there, like yeah, I did those things, and I have no idea why, I just did them, and then I got in trouble.  And she corrects us when we tell her to say 'I'm sorry' to her sister for hitting..."no mama, i scratch Sissy."  Oh right.  Excuse me.

So today, I woke up feeling defeated.  Overwhelmed.  Tired.  I felt like this cycle of sleeplessness and fighting, and whining and drama would never come to an end.  Ever.  That I would not ever walk about in my own space ever again, or sit in my own space, or sleep in my own space, ever, again.  Or listen to nothing but silence ever again.

And today Ford would be gone 14 hours.  And I knew this.

And on his way out the door this morning, he said to me..."you know, it's only temporary."

Yeah, I know that.

And then he said, "someday they won't want you."

Yeah, I know that too.

And then...they had a great day.  They did.  They played together.  Little Sister did scratch Big Sister, and hit her once or twice.  But it was less dramatic, at least.  Amelia pulled out the awesome Big Sister card and played it well, all day.  I felt encouraged.  Amelia made me and many other people cards and pictures, like she does everyday.  Because she loves to give them.  And Evie was happy.  All day.  And then Amelia picked up the entire living room before dinner without being asked.  And Evie made funny faces and said lots of her funny 2 year old stuff that makes me laugh out loud.  And was just generally so cute because she is just that all of the time...cute.  And I painted all of their piggies and all of their little fingers pink and purple and they were soooo happy about that.  And then Evie, with her naked bottom on the kitchen floor trying to put her big girl underpants on "aww by mysewf," stood up with the brightest face, clapped her hands and exclaimed, "I did it!'  By mysewf!"  Even though both legs were in one hole.  I congratulated her and bent down to help her fix the issue.  She wasted no time in wrapping her little arms around my neck, squeezing me tight and genuinely and happily announcing..."Oh mama!  You da bast!"  To which I replied, "Aww, what did you say?"  She repeated herself and Amelia yelled from the other room..."I think she is trying to say, YOU ARE THE BEST!"

So, THAT is what I needed.  Not my own space.  Or even sleep.  Just a little bit of...something.  Because through it all, they know I love them.  Even when I am impatient and tired, and sick myself.  They know they are everything to me.  Even when life is not perfect.  And by not perfect I mean bananaland.  
And I know they love me too.  With their whole little beings. 
It was a good day.